What Would Really Happen To A Joker Fan Girl
by h0lywood
Summary: the title says it all. lmaooo. rated T for language. :D please review! it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. :b yay!


**What Would Really Happen To A Joker Fan Girl**

**A/N: heyy! anyways, i was thinkin bout my other Dark Knight story, The Smile, and I ended up writin this little thing to kind of poke fun of all the stories where the girl falls in love with the Joker and then he ends up falling in love with her. Of course I'm a complete hypocrite, naturally, but...enjoy! :D**

"Hit me!" yelled the Joker as Batman came rushing towards him astride a huge Batmobile motorcycle..thing.

The bike drew closer and closer, and was barely three feet away, when-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" shrieked some weird chick, and she flung herself at the Joker, pushing him out of the way, just as the motorcycle came flying past, missing the two insane people by inches.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled the Joker, getting to his feet and looking down at the deranged girl. "Why the HELL did you do that?!"

Before she could respond, Batman had leapt off his bike and came over to the pair. "Let the girl go!" he yelled, as he had the false impression that the girl had not willingly jumped in front of the bike in an effort to save the evil clown.

The Joker laughed and decided to change things up a little bit, and he grabbed the girl and pulled out a razor blade. "Do whatever I say, Batman, or this girl will be the next to die!"

Before Batman could think of a witty response, the girl let out an unmistakable giggle. The Joker looked at her, but decided to let it pass, and continued to address Batman. "Go on! Try something! This knife will be in her face faster than-" he stopped short. The deranged girl had giggled again. "Uhh...hostage girl? Maybe you don't understand proper English, but I just said that i was about to kill you."

She giggled again.

Batman and the Joker exchanged looks of extreme confusion, before remembering that they were arch rivals and quickly reverted their attention back to strange girl...

"Yes, I know you said you were gonna kill me! That's the best part!" she laughed, excitedly.

The Joker blinked about a million times before answering, and Batman had his mouth wide open in a perfect O. "Umm...are you...like...emo or something?" it was the only logical explaination.

The girl looked simply apalled. "Uhhh...no way." she said. Then she giggled again. "But I will be if you want me to be!"

Batman finally found his voice. "Are you like...on crack or something?"

The girl glared at him. "Batman." she said stiffly. "Or, maybe I shouls call you by your proper name, Bruce-"

"HEY! There will be no saying of Batman's real name! And how do you know anyways??" he added suspiciously.

The girl rolled her eyes. "I've seen the movies. Duh. But you're not cool, no matter what your real name is. HE'S the cool one." she cooed, eyeing the Joker with doe eyes.

The Joker looked even more disturbed than usual, and the Batman looked highly affronted at being addressed that way. "Who the fuck are you??" the Joker asked, as the girl was really starting to creep him out.

"My name is Arielle." the girl giggled, looking at the Joker again. "I am your number one fan! I'm president of the WE HEART THE JOKER AND BATMAN IS A GOOD TWO SHOES fan club! I know all about you! I know that you're exactly six feet and five inches tall. I know you weigh precisely one hundred and ninety-five pounds, and I know that you've poked the eye out of a mobster with a pencil! I know everything about you!! I LOVE YOU!!"

And with that, the Joker threw her from him and backed away, until he was standing next to Batman, who was looking more and more pissed off at the fact that there was "WE HEART THE JOKER AND BATMAN IS A GOODY TWO SHOES" fan club. "What is she talking about? We're in movies?? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, BATMAN?!"

The Batman shrugged as Arielle walked over. "It's okay, it's okay! You wanna neck rub?"

"AGH!" screamed the joker in frustration and grabbed the girl and stuck the knife on her mouth. "SHUT UP!"

Arielle giggled again. "Are ya gonna kill me? Are ya?! Oh this is so romantic! Maybe you should just kidnap me, so that Batman can come and find me, and then I'll help you kill him and then we'll fall in love and I can be your love slave! Oooh, or, you could turn good after you fall in love with me and I can show you the error of your ways and then we can move to Montana and have a horse ranch! Yes, I think that's the better plan. Oh, but i would miss the war paint. If you kept it on when we build our ranch, the paint would probably scare the horses. But you'd still have your yummy scars. Oh i love those scars. They even put Harry Potter to shame. Ehmagawd, a lightning bolt! Big deal! You have the most beautiful scars I have ever seen in my life! Are ya gonna give me some?? Are ya? Are ya? Are yaaaa?!"

Batman was getting a huge headache from the shrieking and he was feeling slightly nauseas by all these honeymoon plans that the crazy fan girl was making for her and the joker. And he was angry that he didn't have a fan club wherever this strange girl came from.

The Joker was indignant. "I don't want to have a horse ranch! And it's no fun cutting your face open if you want me to! Good God, girl! I hate fan girls! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them! And I could never fall in love! I'M INSANE. I cut people's faces open for fun! And how in the mother freaking world am I hot?? You can't even see my face! I HAVE MAKE UP ON! And my hair is green! COME ON! These scars? They're not YUMMY. They're painful and disfiguring and I don't even know you're last name, and you're driving me even more crazy! I really don't picture me falling in love with you, even if I could! Good lord. I can't even stab you to death without you being happy about it!"

Through all this, the insane fan girl just stood there smiling. "You do care! These lies of me annoying you are not good enough! The real reason you can't bear to kill me is because you actually love me! You love me! You love me! You love me! you love-"

**BANG.**

_the end. :D_


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